OPRAH UPDATE…One, Six and Thirteen!
First, an Oprah update. The producer called again this past week and there was renewed hope that I would be on one of the last shows. He even had us get Sophia’s birth and death certificate to send to him just in case he could do something but that did not pan out. It is sad but at least I put myself out there and there are many more adventures I cannot even imagine coming my way! I’m excited! Thanks for coming on that journey with me!
Just finished a Goddess Weekend that was out of this world! It was at this retreat last year that I started writing ButterflyMoms on a consistent basis. So HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY BUTTERFLYMOMS!!!
The retreat got me thinking that we can all use a little time away to re-group and re-energize soooooo….(trumpets please)…… We are scheduling our first ButterflyMoms Retreat the weekend of October 22, 2011 in Mad River Vermont at a magical inn! We are still working on the details but space will be limited so if you are at all interested let me know. Carving out the time for our highest good is the best thing we can do for ourselves! :)!
I never know how I’m going to be on May12 and June 22. Those are my Sophia’s birthday and deathday.
Sometimes sooooooooooooooooo much emotion wants to come out that I’m afraid those around me cannot handle it. Quite honestly most of my grieving has been alone…or SWALLOWING MY GRIEF because of this fear that others cannot handle it. Some of the work I’ve been doing at the Rhys Thomas Energy Medicine School, especially lately, has allowed me to open/release some of that energy, some very powerful stuff!
It’s hard, you know, to talk to others about the birth and death of your baby because if that other person REALLY went “THERE” with you it…well, I can’t say I honestly know what would happen, but it’s a lot of pain and in a way I guess I protect others from it because then I think I need to save them from it. I don’t know if I’m making sense to you but this is how I feel. There is soooo much magic that has come from her death but I would give it all up to have Sophia back in my arms. I don’t know if that is the PC thing to say but that is how MY HEART FEELS. I miss her sooooooooooooooooo much, our Sophalicious. I have had many, many people die in this lifetime, losing your baby is TOTALLY a different feeling. It is that type of grief that can knock the wind out of my sails and because I have so many responsibilities I cannot crawl into bed and stay there so I activate AUTOMATIC PILOT, put on a smiley face and go off into my day. I KNOW I’m not the only one! Sometime I do it so automatically, in fact, that I don’t know that I’ve ACTIVATED it. I NOTICE that when I do this I take a VERY DEEP BREATH and then probably don’t exhale for the rest of the day. That is how I perceive it.
Grieving, for me, is this endless circle of wanting to get to HIGHER GROUND, to being as “ok” with Sophia’s death as I can be and then being hit by a Tsunami of pain, never knowing who you are going to be in front of when it happens.
esterday would have been Sophia’s 6th birthday. She died at 13 months so it’s fitting that I’m writing this on Friday the 13th…. BTW, found out that Friday the 13th is a VERY POWERFUL GODDESS DAY…When the Roman Catholic Church was trying to take over, they made it a bad luck day instead. I, for one am reclaiming the magic of Friday the 13th!!! Who’s with me? 😉
I was COMPLETELY blown away by the outpouring of LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that our family received yesterday! We had more than 200 people (I can’t even believe I’m typing that number!!!) reach out via email, phone, text, voicemail, facebook and even a handful of in person visits from dear friends who seemed to really be holding a space of LOVE for the day as I had requested on FB. This may surprise you writing how I do but I usually don’t open myself up to get the love BECAUSE TO OPEN TO THE LOVE, YOU HAVE TO BE OPEN TO THE PAIN. I was more vulnerable yesterday than I have been in a long time and that is why I was able to ASK for what I needed. I asked for others to hold us in LOVE…and I highly suggest it because it felt wonderful! Like floating, really if you let yourself go….there is a downside though that is ALSO important to know about…. WARNING: When that happens SHIT that has been in your life’s “basement” comes up….and baby that shit stinks! It was soooo powerful that it rocked my marriage. We had to work some things out. Key is to go with the flow, stay open, stay authentic and for goodness sakes KEEP MOVING FORWARD (but in a BEING PRESENT WAY)!!!
A very special thank you to all those who reached out yesterday. YOU deeply help me and my family heal a bit more. I was going to try to list everyone’s name here but if I forgot someone that would not do. I would invite you to go to my Facebook page and read all the magnificent comments from around the world. It is a magnificent example of SHEER LOVE!!! I am deeply grateful and deeply humble by that LOVE!
Great big hugs,
PS A plethora of books sold this week! We FINALLY SOLD ONE IN PORTUGAL!!!! YAY! (Thank you Madrinha Juvenalia Figueiredo!) We also sold two in VERMONT (Thank you Evelyn and Kristen Meyer!) which is a new state for us and one in Watertown, MA (Thank you Christine McDade!) and another in CONNECTICUT (Thank you Sheryn MacMunn)! WHEW WHO!!!! I LOVE BEING ON THIS JOURNEY WITH YOU! SOOOO FUN!!!!
Here is where the books have gone to ButterflyMoms…
North Easton 1
South Grafton 1
Stony Brook 1
Waitsville (Mad River Valley) 2
Wien, Austria 2
Dublin, Ireland 1
Rome, Italy 3
Santa Maria (Azores/Açores) 1
*To buy your copy for you and a friend click here now. Feed the LOVE in your life…. http://bit.ly/gRxe4U .
*Mark your calendar to read ButterflyMoms EVERY Friday!