As we live our lives, we run into other souls with whom we feel such a strong connection that we befriend them. It’s pretty amazing that out of the billions and billions of other human beings on this planet we find that one specific person to whom we bond. Why THAT person? I am coming to the realization that friendship comes either to provide “solace-growth” or “aggressive-growth” (maybe even both at times). Allow me to explain…
Some of us have an astronomical amount of these friend connections, while others have only one. SIDENOTE: You would NEVER compare yourself to others if you remembered that whatever you have is what you need, for where you are, in your journey on this planet. There is no perfect general formula, only the PERFECT ONE FOR YOU. Sometimes we call a connection with another a “friendship” but it turns into something else…
In bringing awareness to the word “friendship”, I’m noticing two types of friendships. One we will call FULL FRIENDSHIPS (FFs), in which people give and receive in a mutually satisfactory “love” connection (“LOVE” meaning some true “admiration” and “like” for this other energy being.) These are the people who are not afraid to be honest with you, who believe in you, who have your back. FFs understand your faults and are willing to hear about theirs. If you have ever seen the movie BEACHES that is a great one to explain this type of friendship. Through thick and thin FFs are there. YAY, let’s hear it for FFs!!!!! When life gets especially tough they can provide the perfect shelter from your storm. For FFs to work fully, both you and she must be able to give AND receive because it shifts from one to the other from time to time.
The other type of friendship is one in which there is that initial connection or there seems to be a FF but then “something” SHIFTS. We call these POSER FRIENDSHIPS (PFs). This type of friendship emerges when one of the friends is either living most of her existence in fear mode or is just plain in her defense and trying to lull the other person into a certain position. A movie for this one might be SINGLE WHITE FEMALE 😉 (SIDENOTE: Sometimes I AMAZE myself at the wacky stuff my brain comes up with!!! Single White Female is the example? REALLY brain? Too funny!) This person typically is feeling unsafe and can only RECEIVE, but if you talk to them they will often say that it’s the other way around. 😉
So this week I had VERY INTENSE examples of both types. When I first started writing today’s blog only the PF example stood out, but as today unfolded, I realized that although this week’s PF incident had a VERY BIG impact on my life, the number and level of giving from my FFs hit levels of COMPLETE AWE….which brought me to a state of being incredibly GRATEFUL….which when I embraced what was happening, took me straight into a state of being HUMBLE. Being humble is one of the most magnificent frames of mind to be in because everything has a sense of worth and beauty that you miss when you are in other states of mind.
Here is a word of caution….Many of us grew up being trained to be “good girls”. Because of this widely accepted practice, when we are faced with conflict, our first impulse, might be to get all KUM-BAH-YAH, regardless of what we are FEELING. We grew up being told that is what we are SUPPOSED to do. But you know in your heart that NO GOOD CAN COME FROM IGNORING YOUR FEELINGS! Your POWER comes from your first three chakras, called the LOWER SELF. If you ignore those feelings you cut your power source AND trap energy. That energy will eventually get so concentrated that it will blow. We can all picture examples of what that looks like. No one wants that kind of life!
To break the cycle, simply ask, “What do I have to learn from this situation?” Create the boundaries you need to stay safe and practice letting go of ill will. To find out if you are dealing with a PF simply check in and see how you feel. Your feelings don’t lie. Sure not everyone is perfect but some people are just in that PF mentality and they will only shift when they want to. You can still call them your friend but really all they are, are energy “vampires” who waste their energy on non-nurturing thoughts and activities so they have to take energy from others in order to survive. Call your energy back, cut the cord, send them love and ask for your next adventure to arrive!
From the letters and emails I get from you, the wonderful ButterflyMoms, community I am in awe of the wonderful stories you share with me. I thank you for showing up in your own life. If you have been attracted to our wonderful ButterflyMoms blog the universe is sending you a message that your soul already knows. Create from it what you need to. About 1,000 readers come to ButterflyMoms every week to feed their souls! Thank you for being a part of this wonderful community! As we all continue to celebrate this magical holiday season I wish you much AWARENESS in your life so that your pure JOY can come streaming in!
Great big honkin’ hugs,
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PPS In this season of giving sometimes the best gifts are those that don’t cost anything. Give someone the gift of ButterflyMoms but just sending them the link….www.butterflymoms.com and telling them to check out the blog section. Feed your friends’ and family’s souls for free! :)!