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BUTTERFLYMOMS Question Answered…FIRST ONE! YAY!

HOW DO I FIT IN THE WORLD?

I’m trying out new FEATURES (which means new ways of getting you the answers you want in ways that are fun and mentally edible 😉 Feel free to send me your questions and each (or so) I will answer them. Just keep in mind that if you are going through it so is a quarter of the planet of women so ask. You can’t beat the price! 😉

So our very first question comes from a fabulous Mama who lives in New England. She recently lost her Mama which creates a whole shift in our reality and safety in the world as a mother. Our full LOVE goes out to both of them! Here is her question…”Safety.  As an adult I feel safe in my skin & my ability to take care of myself.  I do, however, have this child inside me who was not always safe and created this hard shell as a way to cope.  Unbeknownst to me the shell suppressed my ability to take chances, to trust myself and my judgment and to act upon the brilliance others see in me.  Now, however, I’m no longer in need of this hard shell once created to protect myself.  Unfortunately, it’s become instinctual and unlearning or bringing to consciousness this type of coping after 30 + years of “practice” is at the very least challenging.  I no longer feel scared or threatened, but somehow blocked.  How does a person reprogram?”

 First, Corinne, thank you for being the first ButterflyMom to ask a question!!! YAY!!!!!!!!! Now onto a brilliant response ;)…This is something that a lot of us who reach “middle age” grapple with. (I know that term “middle age” is about as appealing as getting your first AARP membership request in the mail!!! :)!) When we are born our souls come into a world knowing who we are because we simply are, with no labels, mindless, free! When we enter our game world (we all call Planet Earth) we are immediately stamped with a name, that almost never reflects who we really are. We are then taught to conform to the rules of whatever family we have entered, most of the time it is into worlds that believe that children should be seen but not heard. Almost every child is then MOLDED into their family’s (tribe’s) beliefs regardless if they are in alignment with whom the child is. We get punished (mentally, physically and emotionally) for not following the rules of the family. Think about how DANGEROUS it is that the people who are supposed to LOVE you the most will to these things to you if you don’t conform. We are small and vulnerable and we do what we need to do to survive which, by default, means we abandon our REAL SELF. (take a deep breath here – maybe seven!)  What happens is that as a coping mechanism we start bonding with items, places and things so that we feel a connection to something that is as strong as the connection we lost, the connection with ourselves. Throughout history people have called this the search for the Holy Grail which is traveling the entire world looking for something that is inside of us all along.

This might be hard for some to hear but an example of this bonding to things to replace the lost self can be most often seen when children have an attachment to a particular stuffed animal or blanket and FREAK OUT when they think it’s lost or someone has taken it from them. If we were to think about it, that kind of ATTACHMENT with an object has to come from somewhere. The stuffed animal is just a stuffed animal but to the child he/she identifies it as a part of themselves (MY teddy bear). Again, this is SUCH a common scenario in our society that most don’t even notice it. This carries on into adulthood when we work at jobs that don’t fulfill us so that we can get MORE STUFF to fill the whole. In the eighties and ninties (back in the 1900’s!!! ;)) especially there was a trend to link women with shopping. It was common to see bumper stickers with something like, SHOP ‘TIL YOU DROP and store would have signs that said YOUR HUSBAND CALLED AND SAID YOU CAN BUY ANYTHING YOU WANT. Most of us reading this probably remember that era. It was all about mindless buying that caused most of us to have CRAZY amounts of clothes, shoes, acessories…etc!!!! Now there are shows on TV, one is called, HOARDERS that show this in an extreme manner. The bottom line was that we were all trying to fill that empty feeling inside ourselves.

Because we have arrived at a point in our human history where we can produce goods more cheaply and ship it faster our “trying to fill in the empty hole inside ourselves” has definitely hit an all-time high but the act of losing oneself in childhood a human rite of passage for millions of years. Not many people question it because it has been people’s “normal”.  Thankfully we are in a point in human/spiritual evolution where we are not willing to accept a half-lived or false life. It’s not something you can FAKE. You can try but your life will never feel right, so, many try to stop feeling all together with the help of binging, drinking, cheating, drugging, eating, etc., etc., etc., all because they have associated feeling with pain instead of seeing it as a useful tool. (who’s with me on this!)

What you are experiencing Corinne is what many people come to realize when they hit the part of their life where they have done what society tells us to do (degree, house, mate, job/career, kids) and we still do not feel whole. We don’t feel whole because we left ourselves out of the equation. The good news is that the journey you took to find yourself (when you were right there under your own nose 😉 gave you TONS of amazing life experience that you can use. The universe has a sense of humor. 😉 YOUR FEELINGS ARE GOOD let them flow BABY(did you get that pun?)!!!! Killing your feelings is like killing the messenger. You can do it but THE MESSAGE/INFORMATION they were trying to give you is still there!

WHAT NOW? Come back to tomorrow’s blog and find out! 🙂

As always if you have enjoyed reading this share it with your friends. There are a lot of drowning ButterflyMoms out there who just need a little information so they can re-set their course to happiness. 🙂

LOVE YOU!

GREAT BIG HUGS,

Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Checking In With Other ButterflyMoms… How are YOU feeling?

 
 

Don't Worry Mama We Can Drive Ourselves to Pre-School!

Hello Beautiful ButterflyMoms,

I am taking the three year Healer Program at the Solstice Healing Center in Medway, Massachusetts and this is the last weekend of the first year. If you are looking for wonderful place to go to do energy work, this place is the real deal. There are people from my class who come from five different states to attend and lucky me I live right next door! Attending this year was a huge example of the universe providing the solution and a convenient one too. You can’t beat the 10 minute ride to my life’s dream! 🙂

I have wanted to write a book literally for over 20 years!!! I wish that was an exaggeration but it’s not. 🙁 I never let go of the dream though. It just needed time to perculate. 🙂 I have been gathering wisdom, knowledge, and experiences so that I can be a better writer, mentor, mother, friend, daughter, wife, busines owner….(you get the idea). Then I created a Wishcraft group based on the book written by Barbara Sher with the same name. Those are VERY powerful at manifesting what you want in your life. When I lived in San Francisco, during the fabulous DOT COM era, I used to have two or three going. Bottom line, done properly, they work beautifully. From the group I got the courage to write the blog which will lead to my book. You are part of my dream so I thank you from the bottom of my heart for visiting this blog! YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

I have been getting a lot of private emails from ButterflyMoms who love reading the posts. There are a lot of mommies out there thinking that they are the only ones who are drowning. The good news/bad news is that you are not drowning. You are simply focusing on things that are not in alignment with your core being. In order words it is feedback from the universe that you are off your track and so you are experiencing a BUMPY ride. We live in a FEELING universe with INSTANT FEEDBACK.  When we don’t like what we are hearing many of us fight or ignore what we know is our next step. Like me, many of you have put off your dreams. Here is a exercise that will help you get some clarity…

FIRST EVER (or if you live in MA you would say “EVAH” ;)) BUTTERFLYMOMS BLOG EXERCISE…( feel free to applaud from wherever you are :)) Side note: Much of my writing involves GIGGLING. Yes, you heard me correctly, GIGGLING! It is my instant feedback mechanism (that I did not actually realize until I started writing this- sooooooooo cool!) from the universe! Giggles when they come from your childlike self help connect you back to yourself. They also give your body more oxygen without your even knowing it. Giggle often and create giggle situations whenever you can. 🙂 GIGGLE ON BUTTERFLYMOMS!!!!

Ok, so back to the FIRST EVAH BUTTERFLYMOMS EXERCISE (YAY!)…Take three minutes RIGHT NOW. Create your “WHEN I” list by answering the following question: WHEN I_________________________then, I will live my life the way I really want to live it. You will have a lot of answers. Allow the answers to come and write them all down.

We will review this exercise tomorrow. If you feel like sharing your answers send them into to me either privately or on the blog. Other ButterflyMoms love reading your posts (as do I) so please always leave feedback.

Mommy Melt-Down At The Grocery Store…

“No Mama. I’m the Mama and you’re the baby,” my 2 year old proudly announced.

Ahhhhhhhh, here’s your life check in. How’s it going? Is it how you imagined it was going to go? 😉  This is the $10 trillion question (it used to be $10 million but I figure with inflation and all 😉 ).

How are you today? How are you feeling? This week, after meeting with my wishcraft group I have completed my commitment of writing for at least 15 minutes every day. It has felt glorious!!! I do have a lot on my plate with a real estate business (I’m the broker), a dry cleaning business I run with my husband, four kids (from 2 – 14) and all that entails ( I KNOW for most Moms I don’t have to describe what that means! ;)) My aunt is also visiting from London right now and so I’ve been trying to be the hostess with the mostest. It’s definitely a full platter so even though I’ve been writing about heart stuff I have “fallen off the wagon” as it were in terms of taking care of myself. I don’t know if it’s like this for you but I’m the low hanging fruit when it comes to cutting out when there is simply too much to do. When I run out of time I simply “make” more time by cutting out sleep. This week I returned to that scenario. It was not that getting up early was the problem, it was that I had my aunt and mom sleeping over here for the past week (and then my brother who came for a couple of days to say good-bye before he goes to Iraq) so it has been challenging to go to bed early knowing that these are SUCH precious memories that I don’t want to sleep through! I sacrificed sleep this week.
Ok, so I got great photos of the events (because things don’t really happen unless you take a photo of it don’t cha know! 😉 ) but THE CRASH came yesterday when I completely lost it at the grocery store. Yes, I was that woman that you tisk, tisk at because she is screaming at her kids. And the universe in its never-ending humor-seeking mode contributed to the parody by having bags rip and fruit rolling down the aisle and machines getting stuck and make EVERY bagger disappear! It really was a missed filming opportunity for a whole segment of America’s Funniest Videos.
I share this as a gentle reminder that we are all human. We all have different capacities but the society we live in, in 2010, we are expected to do more, remember more, recall more than even our mothers did when they were our age. Before the invention of the car most people only ever even travelled 20 miles from their original place of birth. After the car was invented it went to 100 miles. The pace of the world has GREATLY increased. We have more numbers and passwords and codes than ever before. We see more people in one day than our great grandmothers met in their whole lifetime so be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. When something ICKY happens ask what you have to learn from it. It will either be a blessing in disguise or if you play the incident again and again in your head it will be another weight that will sink your soul. The good news is that YOU get to choose and this powerful ButterflyMoms blog just helped gentle remind you that you do have that choice.
Great big hugs,
Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
🙂 
Let’s see what you ButterflyMoms are doing out there. Take a moment to be heard…
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Are You Blowing Off The Answers To Your “Prayers”?

Yesterday we ended with the question, “Do you trust the universe?” If the word universe is not your think you can substitute it for what fits for you (just like in life, it’s really all about what feels right to you – remember that because it is a key element to leading an aligned life.)

Well, do you? Do you trust the universe? Do you trust that if you jump a net will be there for you? I must admit that I’m still learning this one myself. This concept of SAFETY is something that is made up in the mind. We are ALWAYS SAFE, even if we were to die today, we are always safe. Take a moment, right now, to think how would you live your life knowing that you are always safe. Feel it. What would it look like? What would it sound like? How would you think? How would you be in the world? Close your eyes for a moment and just be in that place. Take in the information you get. Accept how good it feels. If it does not feel good there is a good chance you are blocking the exercise so there is a possibility that you feeling so unsafe that you cannot even do a pretend exercise. REALLY KNOW that you are safe. This is fun so go back and play with it again. This is when you would do well to remember the little kid inside of you! What a gift it is! Access that gift now.

Regardless of what you are inundated with by marketers and advertisers YOU ARE ENOUGH! YOU are at the perfect place for what you need to learn right now. Whatever you need will appear even when it’s icky. (good news/bad news 😉 ) Whenever you run into someone who you react to strongly (especially in judgement) that is a message straight from the universe just for you. It is telling you that you are doing the same thing to yourself, judging, in some way that does not serve you.

CONNECT with Your JOY!

Today when you feel the Land of Should creeping in kindly show it the door. Pay attention to what you are feeling that very moment. It is your guidance system. By focusing on that you will get closer to your soul’s purpose which is joy. The alternative is to live in the Land of Should. Each moment we make that choice and those choices form the life we live. Are you happy with your life’s choices?

E N O U G H !

Yesterday I wrote about calling your energy back. That sounds like a good idea but what does that mean? It means that much that is happening in, around and to us is not registering. Most of us live unconsciously. In that state we are vulnerable because we are not FULL of our essence, of who we are. Most human beings spend their life listening to what others think about them or trying to fit into a mold that they “think” fits for them. This act means that while you are trying to be someone else no one is being you. Your energy is not grounded because you are not there. (You know, the lights are on but no one is home scenario 😉 ) The good news is that no matter how disconnected you are you can ALWAYS find your way back to you. Even more good news is that YOU never holds a grudge. It’s just always waiting for you to come home to where you are aligned with your essence.

That is all fine and dandy, Maria, but how do I get from here to there. Well, awareness is the first step. Starting to realize that you are living unconsciously and giving your energy away to things and people and situation you don’t believe in or even like is the very first step. Then comes the “YA, BUT” phase. We all know that one. 😉 I would LOVE to follow my heart BUT…..blah, blah, blah! This is when our STORIES come. The story of why you can’t or why it’s hard because of A, B and C.

Look, we are on planet Earth to play, love, learn. Many people believe that in hearts but their minds have taken over through the gift of fear and they are operating in “YA BUT I GOTTA PAY MY BILLS” mode. As we say jokingly to my son, “Is that how you want to go through life?”, REALLY?

This is a feeling universe. Whatever you come across will give you feedback. If it gives you joy you are on the right path. I was born in Portugal and have lived in Japan so I have been exposed to many different cultures. Much of the American culture is about forcing your way, fighting for your dream. This is not the way that you get there. I’m not saying it’s easy but it’s not about fighting, it’s about letting go and trusting….ahhhh, take that in for a moment. Do you trust the universe?

More about that tomorrow! 🙂

Side note: If you like what you are reading turn your friends on to it. Together we are helping make this a happier planet and YOU are a part of that magnificent process!

THE UGLY SIDE OF MOMMYGROUPS – Fitting In…Or Not

Find Happiness Tucked Between the Moments

Fitting in is one of the key factors as we are growing up. Being a mom puts a whole new dynamic on the term because we have other souls in the mix to protect and teach. I have recently experienced the “icky” feeling of being rejected from a group of mommies. It can send you right back to feeling like you are not “enough”just like you did when you were in junior high or high school. (breathe) :)! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

In a moment’s notice how you feel about the whole day can go south, very south and your mind starts trying to protect you by “figuring out” what is wrong with them or how you can avoid being hurt again.  This is a pattern many of us are familiar with because that is all we knew. Here is another pattern I recently read for my coursework that has helped me. It comes from the book “Anatomy of the Spirirt” by the wonderful Caroline Myss. You attract what you need to into your life depending on what you are sending out. She gives the example that was very similar to mine and says that if you get forced out of a job or group it is because it’s in your highest good to move on, partner!  We, as human beings don’t like change and we tend to “cling” a bit longer than necessary to situations that no longer serve us. It is NOT about the group of people liking or not liking or us being enough or not being enough. It is about energy and it’s time to move on. Think about how much energy you have put (can we say “wasted”) over the years “thinking” about why those people rejected you. It is like burning your energy dollars for the day, every day.

Today, make a fresh start! Part of why Mamas are so tired is that we give our energy to places that don’t reciprocate the energy back. It’s time to call back your energy! It’s done in simple ways that will have you feeling more grounded and happy. Tomorrow we will talk about how to do that…

Great big hugs ButterflyMoms!

Mariaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

🙂

SOPHIA’s 5th BIRTHDAY…

Today is Sophia’s Birthday. Had she lived she would have been 5 today. Because she is the inspiration for ButterflyMoms, I wanted to reach out today to you, specifically, today and remind you of the gift of loss. The gift that loss gives you is the ability to see the value in the now. If things lasted forever they would have little value. Think about that. Most people who go through any loss say almost the same exact thing, “I wish I had”. In your own life there are many, many, many, many, many, many things that would make you thankful. You just need to know what they are, remind yourself. Savour what you have for when it is gone you will miss it. You will miss it less knowing that you lived it fully. May this serve as a gentle reminder from the universe to re-align with your passion by following the path of loving the simple things in your life.

BREATHE…………SMILE…………….BREATHE AGAIN……………………. SMILE AGAIN…………REPEAT THREE TIMES THEN GO HUG THE NEAREST PERSON! DON’T THINK JUST DO! 🙂

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOPHIA!!!!!!!!! PARABENS!!!!!!!! I hope you really do the exercise above to celebrate Sophia’s birthday the way she celebrated her entire life…full of love and more love, enjoying each moment for what it is, an opportunity to connect with others through her heart.

MOTHER’S DAY 2010

Whatever is on your schedule to do today take a moment to ground yourself. Once you are in it trying to shift might be a bit more complicated. Remember to breathe deeply. Remember to remember that you are made from the same elements that are in the stars and the oceans. You come from great beauty. Most of us forget that and get “stuck” in the thoughts of the memories of the ickies we have experienced. Those were experiences meant to teach not to hurt. The hurt is simply a sign that you are looping the thought of the experience. In other words thinking about it again and again and again thinking that you can change something. Ask what it came to teach you and breathe through the lesson. Welcome it. You are always safe. I repeat, YOU are always safe! Now go out there and have some fun! Don’t make me repeat that too sistah-friend! Go out there and have a blast!!!

Results of FINALLY Trusting Your Journey…

I’m writing to you from the tail end of one of the most fantastic experiences of my life, a Goddess weekend. A good friend invited me to an annual event where an inn keeper in VT invites the goddesses she knows to come and rejuvinate for a weekend. Even though I did not sleep many hours each night I felt like I had had a full night sleep the night before because of the energ work we were doing here. Here are some of the observations of what I did. I hope that you can do the same in your life…

1.  We did not gossip. Energetically gossiping about others is one of the strongest ways to take your energy and flush it down the toilet of life. In our world today it is epidemic so be mindful when it starts. Most of us get a temporary high when we first gossip because for a short time you align with the people around you but that is a temporary feel and what you are really doing is “donating” a lot of your energy to things that will give you no return on your emotions.

2. We surrounded ourselves with people who support us. Use your instincts for this one. Get out of the land of should and feel where you are. People come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Make sure you don’t morph into what you think they want you to be. That is also a very simple way to give your energy away with no return. Surround yourself with people who support you! When you are with people who are grounded you will many times also be grounded without having to “do” anything. Simple living. What comes after that is your authentic self…..Mmmmmmmm, deliciously YOU!

3. We had no expectations. We simply went with what came. If we were hungry we ate. If we wanted to play cards we did. If we wanted to go take a nap we did. Now, I know this is a retreat and if you have little ones and/or work this might make it a little challenging but remember that each moment brings a precious opportunity to live your life the way you were put on this planet to do it. No one can do it for you. If you give up that power you will never feel true happiness, only emptiness and not-enoughness.

I’m getting to pack up the bargains I bought at the second hand store and a few other trinkets I found along the way before I go to my massage this morning! YAY!!!!!!!! If you are reading this you are in alignment. The universe is talking to you, as it always is, all you have to do is listen. It’s like being at a very loud party and trying to hear what someone is saying who just called you on your cell. The universe does not usually “scream” at you so the only other option is to create quiet, sacred moments in your day where you are fully listening. That is what (true) yoga, meditation, walking (with no headsets), are for. Have a simply fantastic day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ask that you spread the word to your friends about www.ButterflyMoms.com and that you come back often so that you can fill your soul with wonderful energy! Like fresh, cool water from a mountain stream it will re-energize you! MWAH!!!!!!!!!!

In the Flooding…HOLD ON…There’s A Gift In There….PROMISE!

I sometimes fall into a blissfull state of staus quo. I feel like there are soooooooo many things coming at me that I, in a sense, shut down parts of me. Yesterday I realized that our finances were much different than I thought. At first I raged, yelled, screamed, cried. I stayed with it though. I stayed present to the pain and “ickiness”. It helped me give me the focus I had been craving. It is just another simple reminder that life is always unfolding for our best and highest good. We are on this earth school to learn, play and love. Make sure you get your daily doses of those three vitamins (vitamin LE, P, L 😉

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