Although I’m writing this from Portugal, we live in Holliston, Massachusetts. It is one of the most idyllic little New England towns you can imagine! There are many wonderful things about Holliston, but the two worst things are lack of a septic system and town gossip… ultimately, they are the same thing because they are both about shit!
When we first opened the space we combined our businesses in the same space. Our dry cleaners is now called GREEN CLEANERS and is the only earth-friendly in town. This was about four years ago when we opened our doors in the heart of downtown Holliston!
For years, many have commented to me about how much they dislike how gossipy and cliquey Holliston’s mommy’s groups can be. I had the same experience. I have also found this in the world of real estate. From the time I started BRICK HOUSE REALTY, a family-owned company, some of those in big-named real estate firms have made up lies and gone after our clients behind our backs. It is brutal because some people believe them and we have lost deals because of it. This is not a game to us. This is how we feed our children! Plus, they are not even telling the truth, they make stuff up! Sadly, we have seen this over and over again in our last 10 years in real estate in Holliston.
The solution for me in both the mommy group situation and in the real estate world, was that I turned more to one-on-one relationships, largely not buying into the negativity. With this philosophy we have steadily grown each and every year and a business that started in our closet just finished another record-breaking year! So on that level we have been successful but in doing the stiff upper lip thing, there was still lots of sadness in all this for me. The whole talking about others is wrapped with layers of ickiness and is what tears communities apart. Really, it is just another form of bullying. A few gang up on whoever they deem as an “outsider” in order to feel superior. Bully starts in schools and continues into adulthood.
A little background for those who don’t know…I’m living one of my dreams this year. I am spending a year in Portugal with three of our children while Doug is home with our son Christopher, as it is his last year of high school. This is an adventure of a lifetime for our three youngest. They are living and going to school in Europe as children! It is a wonderful adventure with many ups and downs that I often share here on the ButterflyMoms blog every Friday. Doug just left last week after spending a whole month here. It was his second trip to visit us since we’ve been here.
Well, yesterday I was talking to my husband Dougie Fresh 😉 and he mentioned that he had run into someone who was acting a bit distant. As they started talking, Doug told him about having been in Portugal with us a month and how our kids were having the time of their lives. The man bent down and started laughing with relieve. The reason he was so standoffish at the beginning was he felt bad for Doug and did not know how to talk to him. Why you may ask did he feel bad for Doug? Well, his wife had been in a Holliston store where the people in there were all hanging out talking about what a lowlife I was to have left Doug suddenly and run away to Italy with “his” kids against the Doug’s and the children’s wishes.
Our Portuguese Christmas tree…
My first reaction was of disbelief, then the anger and hurt crept in. I went to my Facebook page and posted the following: “OK, I don’t usually go “there” but I am so going there! I found out today that the rumor mill in Holliston has been spewing out an ugly rumor that I have run away from my husband to Italy and “stolen” our girls! They talked about how much of a lowlife I am to do that to Douglas Schmidt and our girls! WTF!!!!!!!! Do people have such low energy that they have to make up total shit about others and then dish it out over and over?!…. Please know that from an energetic point of view gossiping and judging others is the fastest way to lower your vibration, thus giving you a shitty life! If you are jealous of what I’m doing go follow your own dreams!!!!!”
In my mind, here I am living my dreams and giving my kids one of the biggest gifts I can think of, and some people who don’t even know me, or my family, are out there saying really nasty untruths. It hit a big nerve for me but it was obvious that it also hit a nerve for many others. The response from people was incredible, 200 comments or LIKES with lots of advice and humor. It felt good to read them, but there was still “something” still not in its place, something “icky”. In general, when people feel ICKY about something, we ignore it. When Sophia died we experienced a lot of this because people did not know what to say so they just avoided us or the topic. This is an unconscious way to react when humans feel uncomfortable.
Many people’s advice when someone is gossiping or judging is for us to “take the high road”. Well, there are two types of high roads. There is the one where you bury it and pretend things did not bother you, as you pretend to move on. This is the one most people take. It is like taking an energetic mortgage out and paying it in secret (subconsciously) for however long you choose to hold on to it (forgive).
Stunning city of Lisboa!!!!!
The other “taking the high road” option is to move your perspective from “what have they done to me & why have they done it”, which is the micro (small) and move it into the macro (big) viewpoint. From the bigger vantage point anger dissipates because the new perspective allows us to understand that others who are participating in judgmental or gossipy behavior are energetically depleted. Allow me to explain…
Every morning you wake up you are given $100/100€ and what you think about either causes you to receive more energy or give up what you have stored. If we are not tuned into our life’s mission, we start burning energy like crazy, because we are not in alignment. Being in alignment is the same thing as being “in the zone”. Everything is going on effortlessly. When people are doing what they “should” be instead of what they know in their hearts they want to do, they become depleted. When they have no more “energy” they start stealing it from others. This is why “energy vampires” exist. They are simply people who don’t realize why they are doing it but they find themselves needing to yell at, talk about and put down others because they get an energy high off of it. Like a drug addict, the high does not last very long so they must continue doing it to get the desired effect.
Fear is also a huge part of this equation for it also causes your energy to bleed out. Love has the opposite effect. Love fills your energy vessel. Think about playing with a puppy or a little baby. Think of in that moment you lose the sense of time and “shoulds”. You are suddenly transported into an effortless, feel-good place that has you loving and living in that very moment in time. To me, I took that anger, sadness and frustration and built several “bully-free” or safe communities: The ButterflyMoms Group was one of them and the other two exist on Facebook… I’M HOLLISTON HAPPY and the newest one “HOLLISTON TRADING POST. The goal of all these was to take the LOVE that already exists in Holliston and magnify it because there is soooo much love there! All of these have been monster hits and continue to grow!
It is important to remember that we are all humans, spirits first, and bodies second. As the beautiful Maya Angelou said at the Boston conference I met her at, “We all do the best we can with what we know. When we know better, we do better.” Gossiping and Judgemental behavior is something we all do to some degree. It could be talking about a neighbor, co-worker, family member or movie star. It is a cultural norm in most places. We don’t even realize we are doing it. As we evolve as human beings, taking back our energy and moving it from the unconscious to the conscious will help us more easily find our alignment, our happy life. My gift to you today is this…. Whenever you find yourself thinking about someone and how they should be doing this or that, I invite you to notice and LET GO of your “should” for that person. As much as you think you know them, you do not, even if it yourself. Stop “shoulding” all over yourself!
No one is “good” or “bad”, we humans a big, messy pile of a bit of everything. All we can really do is notice what part of us we are feeding. I notice that my actions yesterday were a bit defensive. In reality as Eleanor Roosevelt said (and my friend Helen Bannigan reminded me of last night), “Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.” Someone else’s stuff is not a reflection of my self-worth. I am, however, attracting this lesson into my life and so examining what I find is my responsibility. As for the people who did the gossiping, they are “walking prayer-requests”. They are showing those around them that their energy is extremely depleted. Send them love from mother earth and cut the cord. It is the kindest thing you can do for them and our planet.
Great big hugs,
Doug embracing Portugal!
WHAT ELSE IS GOING ON? MORE WAYS TO FEED YOUR SOUL TO START 2013 OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT!…
√ REIKI 1 WORKSHOP: I’m teaching Reiki 1 in Cascais, Portugal (Feb 16 & Feb 23 10:00-2:30). Cost is only €175, includes materials, Reiki 1 certification and attunement. Class size limited and will fill up very quickly so if interested email me at firstname.lastname@example.org Arcos, 2770-210 Paço de Arcos, Portugal. Fee is 25€ at door. Sign up right now and get in for only 20€. Do it here…http://tinyurl.com/cslw7l4. See you there!!!!! Please RSVP so we can plan accordingly.
√ COACHING: For those who want a coach with a lot of heart, I’m here to help you get rid of your blocks and go towards your goal. I’m living what I have been teaching clients for nearly two decades. Whether you are curious or serious send me an email to email@example.com to set up a time to get you to your first step. For those who want something to shift in their lives this is a great time!!!
√ INTERVIEW: Here is the magnificent ButteflyMoms interview on Nancy L. Cantor‘s Dream Factory Television Show… I hope you watch it and that it feeds your soul! ! http://vimeo.com/30095902
√ BOOKS FOR SALE: “Mom Entrepreneur Extraordinaire” See list below for all the places in the world where this book has been sold! Last year I co-authored the book ENTREPRENEUR MOM EXTRAORDINAIRE. If you have been thinking about starting a business or want to take your business to the next level this is a wonderful way to start. WAY cheaper than going back to school…and very helpful! To feed the soul of a friend, buy them a copy by CLICKING HERE NOW… http://bit.ly/gRxe4U. Feel part of the magic below and see where in the world people have bought this book…
BOOKS SOLD INSIDE THE UNITED STATES
San Bruno 1
Fort Lauderdale 1
Lake Forrest 1
New Bedford 1
North Easton 1
South Grafton 1
Lee’s Summit 1
Stony Brook 1
Waitsville (Mad River Valley) 2
Just some of the REALLY GOOD LOOKING volunteers… 😉 Amazing people and their equally amazing children! It was a big lovefest!!!
BOOKS SOLD OUTSIDE UNITED STATES
Dublin, Ireland 1
Rome, Italy 3
Santa Maria (Azores/Açores) 1
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **To buy your copy Click now… http://bit.ly/gRxe4U
Beautiful Guincho… Breath-giving!
WHAT IS BUTTERFLYMOMS?
ButterflyMoms is a community of people who realize they are souls first and human being second. They want to explore more about themselves, to find out what makes them happy and how they can lead a life of purpose. It is simply about FEEDING YOUR SOUL. Although it has the name “MOMS” in the title it is more about being nurturing to your own transformation, as the butterfly is to its own metamorphosis. This community is led by Maria Salomão-Schmidt whose transformation was ignited by the birth and death of her BELOVED thirteen month old daughter Sophia (Sophalicious), the original butterfly.
*Every Friday Morning, as a way of honoring her daughter Sophia’s soul, Maria writes the weekly BUTTERFLYMOMS BLOG. Hundreds of people read it every week to feed their souls. Maria started writing the blog in May 2009 and has written EVERY Friday since. Maria is a Reiki master and every time you read it you are showered with healing love.
Tell your friends… http://butterflymoms.wordpress.com and spread the love!!! FEED YOUR SOUL!!!!!
PS… To learn more about the Maya people check this out… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maya_civilization <3